Sunday, 7 October 2007

Desperate Housemates

Statutory Warning: The content herewith is not meant for the weak hearted. Parental Guidance strongly not recommended. Side effects may include heavy vomiting, sneezing and immediate distaste for anything edible.

Let me start by giving you the back drop. The house is huge enough to tire you out completely if you even dream of cleaning it alone all by yourself. The house is occupied by 3 girls (living there without respective families) who are committed to making their life fun and enjoyable. To top it there is pressure of studies and socialising leaving next to nil time for the girls to give their time and energy to the house (or so they believe). This is enhanced by lack of inclination to clean the house any which ways. And the biggest consideration – keeping in mind the money constrains there is no domestic help hired either. The result is rare cleaning of the house.

Disclaimer: The characters in this post are completely fictional (cough cough...) and any resemblance whatsoever to me or my roommates is purely the product of your sadistic mind.

The story begins with the jinxed first night at the coveted house. Whenever anyone shifts in their new house in this side of the world the next morning everyone has one sleazy question to ask – how was your first night? Well the answer in this case was loud and clear – Eventful and out of this world. Why would it not be so? The roommates had finished a whole can of pesticide to kill 1 poor cockroach and in turn landed up vomiting out of their window due to light poisoning of themselves. But the moment of glory was the next morning when they saw the same cockroach which was lost in the wilderness of their suitcases last night, lying upside down, dead, next to the very bed they crashed on after excessive vomiting last night. Yeah that was the jinxed first night...

One of the most stressful and frustrating work for these roommates is called the ‘washing machine revenge’. When the girls do get down to cleaning their house, they do it thoroughly. They clean spick and span under the washing machine outlet pipe, even if it means putting out the pipe off its outlet nozzle. But the washing machine in this house has a mind of its own. It doesn’t like being tampered with. So after the hard days work of cleaning the house, at 1 in the night, the girls bathe and change in sleepwear and start their machine to do some dirty laundry, the washing machine takes its revenge. Mysteriously the filthy, soapy water gushes out of the outlet pipe (which strangely isn’t in the outlet nozzle) and seeps into the bedroom and passage and rallies steadily towards the hall. The girls are up and dead and cleaning the whole house all over again till 3 in the morning. Just that this time round the work is of cleaning is 10 times more strenuous due to the soapy water.

In a scenario like this (scenario of living on your own) one tends to develop a love hate relationship with a lot of living and non living creatures around oneself. For example Fungus. The 3 girls found their very own fungi culture in their unrepaired, non-operational, warm refrigerator. There are certain people in this house who put food items in the fridge, forget that the fridge doesn't work anymore and their noses are blocked to any stench of stale and rotting food. Obviously these people are not the 3 girls themselves. They are the non living creatures (ghosts as most would like to call them) residing in this house even before the 3 girls took over. They are to be blamed for every mishap in this house. Anyways, as I was saying... that’s where they found their first ever self created fungi culture. The green moist layer of fungi on your favourite packet of corn, that unmistakable odour of stale food mixed with that of flourishing fungi... oh what memories it brings back. But determined as they were, the 3 girls, never cleaned the fridge. It was just too much work. The better and an ‘efficient manager certified’ option was to never open that graveyard (the fridge) door ever again. Their secret was sealed forever in their heart and the stench sealed in the fridge.

But as you know nothing can be avoided forever. So the fungi refused to stay in their assigned corner. It spread. They found them in the least expected places (like love notes kept by a lover, hidden). The fungi, accompanied by other ‘unknown to man’ micro organisms, was found on half eaten apples to any food item packaged or otherwise left there for more than a few months, sometimes on jeans where chocolate was spilled and never washed, sometimes on the underneath of a damp suitcase, sometimes on old love letters and sometimes even on sources of water storage. Uff! What a pain to clean them.

But as they say what is life without difficulties and what is life without some fun. And what a great combination it is when one finds fun filled difficulties. What a dumb philosophy... But who cares. We all are still alive and I guess in due course are vaccinated against any germs imaginable for decades to come (See everything has a bright side to it).

Anyways, As I have to now rush to stop the soapy brown water of my washing machine seeping to my hall as there are a few families of cockroaches and fungi unaware of the tsunami that is about to hit them... I am signing off... I am the power of the Universe...

P.S: The views expressed in this post are that of one of the 3 roommates and the other 2 roommates have a legal right to differ with it as long as they do not get verbally or physically violent.

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