Did something hit me? part 2

I am not as precise and focussed as I may seem. I falter more often than it seems. I have wanted different things at different times and if you look closely I may seem promiscuous. But again a little closer look will reveal that I have one common thread on which I base my promiscuousness. That common thread is – to be and do whatever I truly believe in at that point of time. I want to give my 100 % if I want something really bad. I land up giving 150%. But don’t be fooled to believe I am your general case of varied ambitious interests. I believe I am as un-ambitious as a housewife of the 1920’s. As un-ambitious as a tired father of the bride, who’s bride is as good-looking as a toad. My ambition is just one. Do whatever I feel truly about. The keywords being whatever and feel... So does that make me a sentimental fool?

I had a dream. An attainable but very difficult one. Nature intervened and gave me something on my lap which was 90% of what I wanted. But what the heck, you are supposed to dream for the sky so that you at least reach the tree top. I had reached the highest treetop in the vicinity. It seemed to all (and therefore to me) the best possible option I could have. I was happy. Or was I? I waited, patiently. Looked all around. What I missed was the dejection, the failed efforts, the pitiful condolences... do I sound like a loser on the loose? What I did get was whispered appreciation of how lucky I was (and therefore I believed I was lucky), little sobbing cries of people who failed and were weary of my reward well received. I had no reason to miss the dream, so I missed losing the dream instead... At least I wanted to have the pleasure of losing my dream... Complicated? It is as simple as animal instinct.

I’d be lying if I said I took this time to prepare of my dream. I didn’t. I gave in to the easier option of being happy with what I had. I did. When I came face to face with the opportunity to look at the fiery gates of my struggle for the dream... I couldn’t hold back. I jumped in the bandwagon. I know what scenario you would expect. I gave up everything to pursue my dream. I didn’t. I kept what I had and went on to achieve what I truly wanted. An added cherry on my creamy delicious cake. Does is take away any bit from my glory? I dare you to do that and if you even think of doing that, I will chop you into tiny pieces and have them myself for breakfast.

Looking back it was as difficult for me to get what I have today as everybody else, only a little bit more difficult. I had other constrains which others didn’t and when I saw everywhere around me, all wondered why did I jump down from my treetop. Why did I take a place in the bandwagon when there was no real need to do that? But I did and today I am where I wanted to be. Up on cloud number nine. And there ain’t no place I would rather be... as said by Bryan Adams. At least for right now. I don’t know later which other cloud I will want to be on. I know someone else would have given a hand or leg to get where I am today. I haven’t. I wouldn’t have. But I have what they wanted and I don’t know for how long I want it either. But I want it now and I have it now. I put on stake whatever I was asked for. I played the game fair and square.

The ecstasy is beyond words. The happiness is real now. I know what has hit me today. Because IT hasn’t hit me, I have banged myself on it.

(The writer is extremely happy and too over excited to bother about the repercussion of putting up posts like these which will be read by people who aren’t exactly as happy about the game results. The writer would suggest – CHILL! And let her enjoy her moment of glory...)